Is It Really Good for the Soul?
by DreadNot
Summary: Alexander Anderson reflects on his sins. Nonexplicit slash. One shot.


_A/N This fic is not explicit, but there is implied M/M slash. If you don't like the idea of it, the back button will free you now. I would also like to note that I have no desire to offend anyone regarding religion, but I can see where the possibility is hard to ignore when you're writing about a lustful priest. Standard disclaimer, I do not own Hellsing, I have no monetary interest, and Kohta Hirano can sleep on my couch any time he feels like it._

* * *

"Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned," the voice drifted through the grille. Even with the relative anonymity of the confessional, the brogue was impossible to hide. 

"I am a poor representative of our most holy Church. I cherish wrath and use it to do God's will. I sin in pride when I perform my duties. I am a killer. Sometimes I am a murderer."

The speaker paused. The first confessions came easily, with a flow that bespoke familiarity. The next words were almost dragged from him, "I sin in envy and in lust."

The silence stretched until he continued, "I cannot seem to stop myself. I have an enemy…" he trailed off before resuming. "There is another sin of pride. He is not _my_ enemy, he is an enemy of our Church.

"This enemy is a creature of evil. That I envy him makes me feel filthy to the depths of my soul. He has such power. He has spit on everything I believe and I have not been able to return him to Hell.

"My envy started with coveting his power. It weighed on me, night after night as I thought about what I could do with what he has. How I could cleanse the world of the blasphemous creatures that walk it. It ate at me. I had to know everything about him. I read every last piece of information that my order had on him and on those around him.

"Which led to my sins of lust."

The man's shoes rattled against the walls of the booth as he shifted position uneasily. He took several deep breaths before continuing. "The more I learned about him, the more I found myself wanting what he has. Worse, I started to see similarities between us.

"We both destroy the creatures that would feed on humans. We both serve something greater than ourselves. We both enjoy the hunt, the close and the kill. I enjoy it enough to merit a new category of sin.

"When the dreams began, I tried to tell myself that it was because I was coveting his power and my mind was twisting it. I even tried reading Freud to convince myself." He gave a short humorless snort. "Freud's a load of shite. I have been dreaming sexual dreams about him because I want him. I want his power, and in coveting his power, I have begun to covet him.

"I disgust myself. How many sins can I roll into this? I am sworn to celibacy, sworn to destroy Midians, sworn to God of my choice and will to eschew envy, pride and lust, and I feel them all for a creature of evil. A _male_ creature of evil. Why couldn't I have been attracted to his little pet? At least that would be one less sin.

"But I know why. She's a pawn. A sweetly packaged pawn, but she doesn't have the power that opened the door to my other sins. Her Master holds a key to my soul I didn't know existed.

"How am I to make this right? How do I erase the stain?" his last question was plaintive and he sat, awaiting a response from his Confessor.

There was a small splintering noise from the direction of the grille and something bounced off the toe of his shoe. As he leaned over, his gut clenched as some instinct told him what he would find.

He let out a strangled cry - half rage, half horror - at the item in his hand. He could almost hear the creature's laugh as he turned over the bullet in his fingers. It was dim in the booth, but he knew that in the light he would be able to read the engraving, "In the name of God, impure souls of the living dead shall be banished into eternal damnation. Amen."

There was no sound and Alexander Anderson sensed that the other side of the booth was empty, but he knew that some night soon, Alucard would want to talk to him about his confession.


End file.
